If you’re wondering why your neighborhood no longer has a corner grocery but has four coffee houses and an artisanal condiment shop, it’s not because it’s been gentrified; rather, it’s because it’s become an “asshole survivalist enclave”–the modern-day equivalent of a medieval walled city, built to protect the inhabitants from the forces of reality.

He really, really doesn’t like the forces behind the “Bestmade” company.